Covenant Marriage

(Marriage - Week 3)

When I was younger, I remember hearing a quote by Bruce R. McConkie. He taught, “The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority” (“Agency or Inspiration?” New Era, Jan. 1975, 38). Now, I had no idea who I was going to marry, but I knew where the “right place” was—the temple; the House of the Lord. I also knew that the “right authority” was one who had been given the sealing power to bind things in heaven as well as on earth. I knew when I found “the right person” that I wanted to be with him forever. Knowing the latter two things, certainly helped in my search for “the right person.”

(photo credit: https://www.facebook.com/mormonxmemes)

However, even knowing I married “the right person, in the right place, by the right authority” does not mean my happily ever after is all set in stone. Bruce C. Hafen taught, “Every marriage is tested repeatedly by three kinds of wolves. The first wolf is natural adversity.” I have been married now for fifteen years. Some may think that is a long time, others may not. But I can attest to the fact that adversity will come. We have faced deployments, death, unemployment, miscarriage, sickness, and many other small adversities. I am positive we will face many more. But as a couple, we were mindful of the covenants we had made with each other and with God. We knew we could make it through any adversity together, and each one has made us stronger and more united. Though some trials I would never wish to relive, I am forever grateful for the lessons I learned. One lesson I have repeatedly learned is to be grateful for my husband’s support. My husband deployed a lot during his eight years in the military, and as much as I hated the times we were separated, those experiences continue to make me more appreciative of him when he is here. In his first civilian job, he was gone for 2-3 months every 4-6 months, so at least twice a year. Then we had a year of unemployment. As hard as it was living with no income, I enjoyed every single day he was home. We had our sixth child during that year, and it has brought me such joy to see her be more “attached” to him than any of our others at that age (mostly because he would have been gone at some point in their infancy). Being apart has definitely helped me appreciate having him around. Elder Hafen claimed, "When we observe the covenants we make at the altar of sacrifice, we discover hidden reservoirs of strength." I know I have felt those reservoirs of strength sustain me many times over the years.

The next wolf that Brother Hafen warned against was “the wolf of their own imperfections.” Oh boy! Neither my husband nor I are perfect! But we certainly try to help each other grow. My husband’s favorite scripture is found in Ether 12:27. It states, “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” As we both strive to grow closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ, He helps us become stronger. I know when my husband and I are consistent in our personal prayers and scripture study, combined with couple prayer and scripture study, we grow closer to God and to each other.

The last wolf Elder Hafen mentions “is the excessive individualism that has spawned today’s contractual attitudes.” In Genesis 2:24, however, we learn, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”  The definition of cleave, found in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, is “to adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly.” My favorite part of the previous scripture, however, is “and they shall be one flesh.” There is no room for “excessive individualism.” A marriage requires a uniting. Sometimes this requires sacrifice, but it always requires commitment and love. I remember when I was much younger and newly married, I had a friend who some of the ladies at church would make fun of. They would comment that she was a pushover, a wife who was controlled by her husband and couldn’t think for herself. Why did they say this? Because this friend of mine would sacrifice little things to make or keep her husband happy. At one point, I even had to stand up to them because they were gossiping about her at a church activity! Little things that would never matter in the long run were being discussed as if everything depended on them. For example, my friend’s husband is grossed out by bare feet. So my friend would always wear socks around him. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so! She loves her husband and wants to make sure he feels comfortable, so she wears socks. Not a hard thing to do, and it sure would bring harmony to their marriage. It was little things like this that I think exemplify “excessive individualism.” Maybe my friend loves bare feet. In fact, I think she does. But it was such a little thing for her to sacrifice her “feet” and cover them up when her husband was around. Little sacrifices, such as this, can bring great love and harmony to a marriage.

Parable

I came across this parable in my reading today, and I absolutely loved it.  It is so wonderful, with deep meaning.  It is from a talk by Elder Boyd K. Packer in October 1993.  If you'd like to read the whole talk, click here.

"Once a man received as his inheritance two keys. The first key, he was told, would open a vault which he must protect at all cost. The second key was to a safe within the vault which contained a priceless treasure. He was to open this safe and freely use the precious things which were stored therein. He was warned that many would seek to rob him of his inheritance. He was promised that if he used the treasure worthily, it would be replenished and never be diminished, not in all eternity. He would be tested. If he used it to benefit others, his own blessings and joy would increase.

The man went alone to the vault. His first key opened the door. He tried to unlock the treasure with the other key, but he could not, for there were two locks on the safe. His key alone would not open it. No matter how he tried, he could not open it. He was puzzled. He had been given the keys. He knew the treasure was rightfully his. He had obeyed instructions, but he could not open the safe.

In due time, there came a woman into the vault. She, too, held a key. It was noticeably different from the key he held. Her key fit the other lock. It humbled him to learn that he could not obtain his rightful inheritance without her.

They made a covenant that together they would open the treasure and, as instructed, he would watch over the vault and protect it; she would watch over the treasure. She was not concerned that, as guardian of the vault, he held two keys, for his full purpose was to see that she was safe as she watched over that which was most precious to them both. Together they opened the safe and partook of their inheritance. They rejoiced for, as promised, it replenished itself.

With great joy they found that they could pass the treasure on to their children; each could receive a full measure, undiminished to the last generation.

Perhaps some few of their posterity would not find a companion who possessed the complementary key, or one worthy and willing to keep the covenants relating to the treasure. Nevertheless, if they kept the commandments, they would not be denied even the smallest blessing.

Because some tempted them to misuse their treasure, they were careful to teach their children about keys and covenants.

There came, in due time, among their posterity some few who were deceived or jealous or selfish because one was given two keys and another only one. “Why,” the selfish ones reasoned, “cannot the treasure be mine alone to use as I desire?”

Some tried to reshape the key they had been given to resemble the other key. Perhaps, they thought, it would then fit both locks. And so it was that the safe was closed to them. Their reshaped keys were useless, and their inheritance was lost.

Those who received the treasure with gratitude and obeyed the laws concerning it knew joy without bounds through time and all eternity."