(Marriage - Week 12)
I know many people have to deal with conflict with their in-laws, but I have been really blessed with a great in-law family. I consider my mother-in-law one of my best friends and appreciate her wisdom and insight. Both my mother-in-law and father-in-law have provided me and my husband time to develop our own family and never offer any advice unless we ask for it. They are both very loving and accepting of me as well. One of the things I learned from my own dear mother is to call my in-laws “Mom” and “Dad.” Following her example, I asked my in-laws when I first married if this would be acceptable and I am grateful for the feelings of love and acceptance this small act has provided. In the book Helping and Healing our Families, the authors write:
While awkward at first, stronger bonds are formed when in-law children call their in-law parents Dad and Mom and get past the idea that this somehow compromises their loyalty to their own parents. It is also helpful to ask parents-in-law if it is all right to call them Mom and Dad, or what they would like to be called. Likewise, it means a great deal for an in-law to be referred to by siblings simply as ‘my brother’ or ‘my sister’ rather than always being labeled as in-laws.” (Harper, J.M. & Olsen, S.F. Helping and Healing our Families: Principles and practices inspired by “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” p. 331)
As much as I have appreciated my relationship with my parents-in-law, I have failed to apply the second part of this insight to my siblings-in-law even though I have seen the power of it when my own sisters-in-law have always called me simply “sister.” I have seen some in my family struggle to feel included and I truly believe that by removing the in-law label we may see some significant improvement with this problem. Too often, we separate our immediate family (siblings and parents) with our in-laws (those who married our siblings) creating a difficult fence to cross. Just as we are all children of God and try to look past so-called barriers of race, religion, and culture, we should accept all into our family with love and acceptance.
