Forgiveness

After one of my sisters told me she missed reading my posts on this blog, I thought I would try to continue to share more of my thoughts on marriage, parenting, friendship, and just life in general. This morning I was reading a talk given by Elder Kevin R. Duncan in April of this year, entitled "The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness." He said some things that I really needed to hear today. I have been struggling with feelings of hurt and seeing that struggle in others as well. Whether a friend has done something to hurt you, or a spouse has said or done something that made you feel of less worth, or a child has made decisions that are painful to bear, if we add to that hurt with anger or resentment, we are making everything worse. Elder Duncan declares that "Even though we may be a victim once, we need not be a victim twice by carrying the burden of hate, bitterness, pain, resentment, or even revenge. We can forgive, and we can be free!" I realized that I was allowing my pride to limit my growth, my forgiveness, and my understanding. I tried to view life from the other party's view and boy did things get put into perspective. I could easily feel the love of our Heavenly Father for this person. I had been trying to forgive all weekend, but had fallen short and was allowing the hate, anger, and resentment to fester inside. Realizing that I couldn't avoid being the victim the first time, I had the choice to allow myself to be a victim again or to forgive. "We can forgive, and we can be free!" My heart was changed today and I was able to forgive and be free. What a great feeling. I love this picture quote from Elder Duncan's talk that Time Out for Women created. This one sentence provides an entirely new outlook on the importance of forgiving.

Choose to be humble

 (Marriage Week 7)

 

President Ezra Taft Benson taught, “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’ It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us” (“Beware of Pride,” Ensign, May 1989). Pride is the tool Satan uses to rule over us! When I think about this, it is obvious, yet it still strikes me at how important it is to “humble [our]selves and become as little children” (Mosiah 3:18). But how do we do this? How can we be humble? Dr. H. Wallace Goddard reveals, “A whole-souled acknowledgment of our dependence on God is a very good working definition of humility” (Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, 79). Feeling completely dependent on the Lord takes a lot of work and sacrifice. I am definitely a prideful person.

There are some trials or difficulties that I have experienced time and again. When a trial comes that I have experienced before, I often think, “I got this.” Then I try to handle it myself without relying on the Lord. I tell myself I don’t need to bother Him. I got this, remember? And sometimes those trials start off okay, but it never fails that at some point I am called to repentance and brought to the depths of humility, crying out for mercy and divine assistance. For example, when my husband left for his third deployment in the Air Force several years ago, I thought to myself, “I can handle this. I’ve done it all before and know how to get through it just fine.” Then life happens, as it always does. I had a son really struggling with his father being away and acting out. I was swamped with church responsibilities and being the sole provider to four young children. And then I got sick with bronchitis. My body finally took charge. I had amazing friends who helped me rest and recover. And the whole time, I felt a gentle reminder from God telling me that I need to rely on Him. The words of Ammon are a great comfort to me. He said, “Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things” (Alma 26:12, emphasis added). I need His help in every aspect of my life, no matter how many times I may have traveled a similar road.

How does this apply to marriage? Well, I believe sometimes we become complacent in our marriages. We may think we are doing pretty well at being a good spouse. We may think our marriage is happy and healthy while overlooking things that need to be worked on. We may think, “I got this” when a small (or large) struggle happens in a marriage. This is pride and it is only one small aspect of how Satan uses pride to destroy families and marriages. So learn to rely on the Lord. Turn to Him for help in all things, especially in your marriage. “Let us choose to be humble” (Ezra Taft Benson, “Beware of Pride,” Ensign, May 1989).

Whenever my husband would return home from a deployment or temporary duty assignment (TDY), there was always a period of adjustment. I had become used to being in charge all the time. I often let things go that I felt were not as important as other things. When you have a spouse to help you, though, you can accomplish much more. We each had to humble ourselves and learn to work together again. The biggest help I found was when we both turned to the Lord in prayer. When I pray, I recognize so many more blessings in my life and I can then thank my Father in Heaven for them. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said, “Gratitude is a catalyst to all Christlike attributes. A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues.” I believe gratitude to be the antidote of pride. So if you want to be humble, pray. If you want to draw closer to your spouse, pray. Pray together. Pray individually. Pray for help and guidance. Pray for your spouse. And in every prayer, be thankful.