In what do you believe?

(Marriage - Week 1)

In what things do you believe “deeply and actively?” Does your schedule reflect these beliefs? 

I know many people who believe deeply and actively in sports. They never miss their favorite team’s games. They often spend many hours in the preparation of game day food and activities before the game even begins. They watch the news to catch all the scores of other games they missed. They discuss plays and highlights with friends and family. These actions support the fact that they believe deeply and actively in sports.

I believe in the family. I believe in marriage between a man and a woman. In 1980, President Spencer W. Kimball proclaimed, “The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us” (Ensign, Nov. 1980, 4). Now, over thirty-five years later, I believe this statement to be descriptive of our time. We must become a more actively involved people in the organization of marriage. We must believe deeply in the family.

As a stay-at-home mother, I spend most of my time supporting and strengthening my family. But I know I can further support marriage and family by being more deliberate in my mothering; by being more present in my home. Yes, physically I am always here, but am I doing all I should? Am I using my divine nature as a woman to love and nurture my family to the best of my ability? Am I setting an example for my children that I want them to follow?

Unlike sports fans, who cannot control the outcome of a game no matter how hard they try, we can support and strengthen marriage through our actions. The 2012 State of Our Unions by the University of Virginia declares, “For those convinced that stable families are critical for child well-being and thriving communities, strengthening marriage is the goal from which we will not turn away” (32). One way we can apply this in our own lives is to “realize that a good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection” (Dallin H. Oaks, Ensign, May 2007). Marriage is worth the effort. 

This week, I have also been reminded that each person has been given the gift of agency. No matter how much effort we put into our marriages and families, each individual is responsible for their own actions. A close friend of mine has been struggling this week. She feels like a failure in her role as mother because of the choices of her grown children. She was active and deeply involved in her family, but once her children left home, some have made choices that have made her feel as if she did not do her job well enough. This has reminded me that we must always remember to apply the healing power of the Atonement. No matter what circumstances we face, the hope and peace we can find when we apply the Atonement to our lives can help us through them. 

Counsel

My older sister called me this morning, and we started talking about Young Women and their organization in our church.  I am currently serving as the First Counselor in our ward, which is over the Mia Maids (14-15 year old girls).  My sister has three girls in young women's right now, so we usually have a lot to talk about.  Well, yesterday, in my niece's class, her leader was asking them what they should tell their friend who wants to get married and have a family.  She wants to put her college education on hold and begin her family.  My niece said she should pray about her decision and follow what was right for her.  The leader, however, brushed over her comment and quickly moved on to the fact that she should not marry and begin her family right away.  She told these girls that they should do all they can to finish their education and nothing is more important than that.  I couldn't believe it.  I quickly found this quote from President Ezra Taft Benson and posted it to my niece's Facebook page.  He said, 
"Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you not to postpone having your children, being co-creators with our Father in Heaven. Do not use the reasoning of the world, such as, “We will wait until we can better afford having children, until we are more secure, until John has completed his education, until he has a better paying job, until we have a larger home, until we have obtained a few of the material conveniences,” and on and on. This is the reasoning of the world and is not pleasing in the sight of God. Mothers who enjoy good health, have your children and have them early. And,husbands, always be considerate of your wives in the bearing of children. Do not curtail the number of children for personal or selfish reasons. Material possessions, social convenience, and so-called professional advantages are nothing compared to a righteous posterity. In the eternal perspective, children--not possessions, not position, not prestige--are our greatest jewels."  (emphasis added, quoted from an annual Fireside for Parents, February 22, 1987) 
  
I don't think it can get much clearer than that.  Family is central to God's plan of salvation for His children.  I know I have learned so much as a mother, and I'm not saying that formal education is not important.  I am currently taking two college courses.  I should be finished with my bachelor's degree in about a year and a half.  This is a wonderful goal and one I am very proud of.  But nothing compares to the joy I have in my life that comes from my five children. 

Motherhood

I came across a quote today that spoke to me as if it had been written from my own heart.  Elder Neil L. Anderson used it in the October 2011 General Conference.  He was quoting a blog called desiringgod.org.  I am looking forward to perusing that blog in the near future.  The title that this particular quote came from is called, "Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Children Rank)."  If you'd like to read the whole blog post, click here.  I loved the whole thing, but this is the part that really touched me:

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.