Just do it.

 (Marriage Week 6) 

 

Things always work out in the end. This is something I am always saying and reminding myself. It makes my trials seem a bit more bearable. In H. Wallace Goddard’s book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, I discovered a quote that explains my personal thoughts about trials better than I ever could. President Howard W. Hunter said, “I am aware that life presents many challenges, but with the help of the Lord, we need not fear. If our lives and our faith are centered on Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right” (The Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, 40). Isn’t that just beautiful? Whether your marriage itself is a trial or you are facing trials in your life alongside your spouse, having faith in Jesus Christ is key to finding peace and meaning through those trials.

Before my husband separated from the Air Force, we spent many hours in thought and prayer about this decision. We finally decided we would move to Colorado and settle down near family. We knew this was the step the Lord wanted us to take. When the opportunity came to separate a year earlier than expected, we were excited. We prepared to move, even though my husband did not have a job. Every person we talked to would ask, “Aren’t you scared?” And every time, I would answer negatively, explaining that I knew this was the right decision and felt complete peace. This was not necessarily an easy time in our lives, but knowing we were following God’s will made it so much easier. I had nothing to fear. I knew nothing could go permanently wrong. My husband and I had included God in our marriage and He sustained us through that time. Dr. Goddard explains, “Having faith does not make everything easy. Rather, faith makes life and its challenges both bearable and meaning-filled” (67).

Just as we should follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost in our day to day life to feel closer to God, we should respond to our spouse’s “bids for attention” every day to become closer in our marriages. Dr. John M. Gottman explains, “In marriage, couples are always making what I call ‘bids’ for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support. Bids can be as minor as asking for a backrub or as significant as seeking help in carrying the burden when an aging parent is ill. The partner responds to each bid either by turning toward the spouse or turning away.” It is easy to miss these “bids” because they are often wrapped in anger, or we may be too distracted to even notice that our spouse is vying for our attention. This week I have tried to recognize and respond to the bids my husband sends, and I have felt a deeper connection. Sometimes we just need to pay attention and turn towards our spouse.