Adam and Eve

(Marriage Week 5)

In his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Dr. Goddard suggests that we learn from our first parents, Adam and Eve. They are the model for us to follow even in marriage, and there is much we can learn from them. First, “we can learn to choose and cherish the good” (Goddard, 39). When Adam and Eve were cast out of Eden, the land was cursed “for [their] sake” (Moses 4:23). They had to suffer, but through their trials, they learned to “cherish the good.” My husband and I have a good marriage, but we have faced difficult times. However, none of our “trials” really felt like trials because we felt sustained by God’s love and the love we had for each other. Some have looked at our trials (deployments, sickness, death, and unemployment to name a few) and thought they were really big, hard things to suffer through. Neither my husband nor I ever felt this way, though. There were times of loneliness and sorrow, but they made the other times that much sweeter.

Another thing this idea of choosing and cherishing the good made me think of was some counsel I received when I was first married. I do not remember who told me to do this, but she told me that I should sit back and really look at my husband, at least once a week, and appreciate him. To do this, I must “check him out” and look for those things that I find attractive in him. She suggested doing this on Sundays (my husband was in our student ward’s bishopric at the time, so I had time to just sit and study him on Sundays) and I have appreciated doing this at least once a week, usually more. When he reads books to my children, I love hearing his voice and playful manner. When he is playing with the baby or one of the older kids, I love seeing his love for them manifested through his actions. When he plays the guitar, I love to relax and listen to him while feeling surrounded by his love. These are just a few of the times I have been able to remind myself to always cherish the good in my husband. It has helped me to always be appreciative of him.

The second thing Dr. Goddard teaches that we can learn from Adam and Eve is to pray. “The only remedy for our loneliness is to call upon God” (Goddard, 40). I was only nineteen-years-old when I married my husband. I was young. I was ready to marry and knew I was marrying the right person, in the right place, at the right time, but I was still young. I think back on how I behaved as a young wife and wonder how my husband survived! When we had disagreements those first few years, I remember I would run to the bathroom and cry. At first, I would think, “If he really loves me and cares about me, he would come comfort me!” I would get angry when he wouldn’t come. (Of course, now I understand he thought I wanted to be alone. And who would want to come find an angry, crying woman? Not me!) Then, I would pray. Luckily, I knew my Father in Heaven was always there for me. And as time went on, I also realized that my husband cannot read my mind. If I want him to hold me, I need to go to him—not run away! But I know that prayer saved me during those first few years of marriage. I am positive that my husband also sought the Lord’s guidance and by so doing, we grew closer even through our struggles.

I also know that praying together as a couple is extremely beneficial. My husband and I are not always the best at doing this, but when we do it regularly, we feel so much closer and loving towards each other. Praying is extremely intimate and what a treasure it is to hear your spouse praying in your behalf or thanking God for you! Whenever I feel I need greater strength and support, I ask my husband if we can set a goal to pray together every evening for a week, and then add on to it. I am so grateful for this mode of communication we have been given.

Adam and Eve were a wonderful example of how a husband and wife should learn and grow together. I am so grateful for the scriptures that teach me how I can be more united and loving in my marriage.