Marriage Cookies

(Marriage Week 8)

Dr. John Gottman’s research suggests that 69% of marital problems are perpetual. The definition of perpetual is “never ending or changing.” According to Gottman, to have perpetual marriage problems “means they will be a part of your lives forever in some form or another.” Does this mean that marriages with perpetual problems are doomed to failure? Does it mean a couple will always be unhappy due to these problems? The answer to both of these questions is “NO!”

You may now be asking yourself, “But how?” Just as in all other aspects of our lives, our Savior, Jesus Christ, has shown us the way. We must honor our covenants, as Christ did. “We can gladly offer our best efforts. We appreciate all that our partners offer. . . We give everything we have and are. And we ask God to increase our capacity so we can give yet more” (H. Wallace Goddard, PhD., Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, 107).

Last week, I was baking some cookies to take to two ladies I visit teach in my ward. The lesson last month was about covenant marriage. I was making peanut butter oatmeal chocolate chip M&M cookies (Sounds like a mouthful, huh? But oh so yummy!), and it hit me how these cookies are like any good marriage. Oatmeal, chocolate chips, and M&M’s, each by themselves are fine, but when mixed all together with peanut butter and baked, become so much better. I turned these few ingredients into something I enjoyed a lot AND into something I could share with others. Each person in a marriage brings their own personalities, values, and quirks to the table, just like the oatmeal, chocolate chips, and candy in my cookies. But when you add God into your marriage, it becomes so much more. Just like the peanut butter, the Savior can take all the goodness from each spouse and combine them into something better. And when a couple works together, suffers together, and in many other ways gets “baked,” their marriage becomes something beautiful that they can share.

Every cookie recipe is different. Each calls for different ingredients or a different process of making them. This is true for each marriage as well. Each couple shows affection in different ways, communicates in unique ways, and interacts with each other in diverse ways. But no matter what cookie you will be baking, you are always following a recipe. You put only the “good” ingredients into the mix. Some things, though, like vanilla, taste bitter by themselves. Trials, by themselves, can feel like that bitter ingredient. When combined with the other ingredients, especially the sticking agent like the peanut butter (Jesus Christ), they make the cookies taste so much better. I love the taste of vanilla in cookies, but by itself, vanilla is disgusting. I am grateful for the trials and other bitter things in life that I have faced with my husband and God by my side.

Remember, no one is perfect. Your spouse will most likely do things that will always bug you (and vice versa), but that does not mean you need to wallow in self-pity or end your marriage. Accept your spouse for who they are. Remember all the goodness they bring and invite the Lord into your marriage. Dr. Goddard declares, “We are invited to dedicate our lives, our talents, our weekends, and our weaknesses to the sacred enterprise of sanctifying our marriages and ultimately perfecting our souls.”

(A classmate asked for the recipe for the cookies, so if you also would like the recipe I use, here is the link: http://cfamilyrecipes.blogspot.com/2013/09/oatmeal-pb-and-m-cookies.html)