Through the Lord's Eyes

(Marriage - Week 9)

 

It is easy to be critical of oneself and one’s spouse. We know our sins and weaknesses and are extremely familiar with those of our spouse as well. Does this mean we should be critical though? Absolutely not. According to Dr. John Gottman, “[T]here is no such thing as constructive criticism. . . [C]riticism doesn’t make a marriage better. It inevitably makes it worse.” When we are on the lookout for things that make our marriages bad, we will find them. We are here on earth to learn and grow, so we will always be making mistakes. However, when we look for the good in life and in our marriages, we can find those things as well and increase our happiness, gratitude, and love in our homes. Dr. Goddard quotes Wendy Watson as saying, “An interesting fact about commending your spouse is that the more you do it, the more you see in him or her to commend.” How wonderful!

However, looking for the positive things in love and life is often easier said than done. Life is hard. Life is unfair. We are mortal. We are sinners. How can we see the good when all these statements are true? My advice is to raise your outlook. Try viewing your spouse as the Lord sees him/her. He knows the potential and worth of every single person, including yourself and your spouse. Here are 3 tips to help raise your outlook.

1. Pray. Every day you must pray for help and guidance. Pray to see and recognize the good in your spouse. Dr. Goddard expounds, “The Lord must be a partner if a relationship is to prosper. In fact, He must be the ruling partner. There is no other way to have a vibrant relationship.” I know when my husband and I pray together, we feel so much closer to each other. It makes me feel so good to hear my husband pray for me and makes me want to better person. There is power in having couple prayer. Personal prayer is very important as well. I am able to pour out all my thoughts, worries, and cares to my loving Father in Heaven, who welcomes them and then gently guides me to a higher view.

2. Accept. No one is perfect, including your spouse. But you chose him/her. Most likely, no one forced you into marriage or arranged it for you. It was a choice you happily made. And you covenanted to love and accept your spouse, imperfections and all. Dr. Goddard proclaims, “The single most promising marriage-fixing effort is not tinkering with our partners’ characters; it is in loving, cherishing, and appreciating them!” Learn to accept and appreciate your spouse.

3. Love. “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever” (Moroni 7:46-47). Dr. Goddard encourages us to cover our spouse’s weaknesses with charity. We do not need to change our spouse to have a loving, happy, fulfilling marriage. But we do need love. When we can see ourselves and our spouses as the Lord sees us, love comes naturally. And like the Primary song says, “Where love is, there God is also. Where love is, we want to be” (Children’s Songbook, p. 138).

I love the following quote by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (made into a poster by Deseret Book Co.). I believe Christlike love is the greatest need in a marriage as well.